Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
