fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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