I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
