I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
