When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she peed on how many people?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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