Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
