i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize