I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
