dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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