I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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