Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize