He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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