We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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