Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize