forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just google imaged poop.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
