just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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