so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
