theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
