Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
