I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
