good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
