I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
