Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
