never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
