Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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