New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize