why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize