I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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