i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
