Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
