ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
