Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
