man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
