Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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