I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize