dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
