dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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