i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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