i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
