Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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