Welp...herpes.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
