Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
