the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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