It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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