Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
