hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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