Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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