I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
