Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
