Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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