i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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