I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
