When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
