i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
