i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize