you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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