i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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