He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
