I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize