I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please don't give away my fajitas
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
