honey bunches of taint.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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