i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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