also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
