just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
