I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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