Jerry, you need to find god
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
