The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
