you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
