So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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