Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
