Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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