remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
