well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
