u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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