Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
