Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
