My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Less talking, more tequila
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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