he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
