I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
