Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
