Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
