did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
