if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
