He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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