he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
even my farts smell like vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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