I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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