Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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