she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
