Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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