You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
