i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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