GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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