Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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