I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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