my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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