You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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