We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
