I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
