i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
