sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
