weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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